Jokes

New Blog!!

Weekly Robot — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 05:00:55 +0000

Hey everyone I’ll no longer be updating this blog and will be focusing on this one instead. Hope you like robots….

www.weeklyrobot.wordpress.com

love

David Cope

Bose

Weekly Robot — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 15:37:45 +0000

Bose’s current slogan: Better Sound Through Research.
Bose, it’s already understood if you research something you’ll get better at it.
David Cope: Writing better comedy by applying time and effort.

Online Dating Outfit

Weekly Robot — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 17:38:55 +0000

Seattle Headline

Weekly Robot — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 07:40:04 +0000

Seattle Post Headline from Oct 26th – “Father kicking himself after son, 4, shoots mother” You kick yourself when you leave the fridge open all day right? When you let your child shoot your wife, I’d say step it up to, “serious talk in the mirror”.

M is for Might Be a Creeper

Weekly Robot — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 06:24:58 +0000

Head and Shoulders Battery Acid

Weekly Robot — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 04:34:17 +0000

Disaster

Weekly Robot — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 14:30:54 +0000

Super typhoon Megi hit the Philippines as the biggest storm seen in 20 years. A cholera outbreak is now plaguing Haiti and a toxic sludge spill has enveloped Hungary. Has anyone checked out these Marc Jacob’s sunglasses, they’re totally sweet: http://tinyurl.com/28chack

FDA, Security Guards, France

Weekly Robot — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 02:18:24 +0000

The FDA admitted an error today in fast approval of a knee implant. Called a Menaflex Collagen Scaffold, it was criticized due to its offering no benefit over existing treatments. Producers of the implant argued not true, if you have one you get to things like say, “It’s going to rain, I can feel it in my Menaflex Collagen Scaffold”. Producers also argued, “Robocop would totally have one.”

A security guard was fired from a North Carolina shopping mall for asking a lesbian couple to leave for kissing and hugging. The incident spurned updated sensitivity training for the rest of the security staff, many disappointed however when they realized, “sensitivity training” doesn’t mean “videos of lesbians making out”.

A proposed increase in France’s retirement age has spurned airline strikes crippling the country’s tourism department. French government fears this could have a negative impact on France’s image on the world stage. The rest of the world however has said, “Nope, whatever happens, France will always be the benchmark for douche-baggery and girls I can only get after I’m successful”

Chile Mine Rescue, Walking, Syncing

Weekly Robot — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 19:48:33 +0000

The Chile mine rescue just took its place in the world’s top 5 mine rescues at #5. The #1 rescue happened in 2002, Pennsylvania; someone wanted to build a mine and someone else said, “Let’s not”.

A new report shows walking may stop brain shrinkage in the elderly. The research was amassed by US neurologists who monitored 300 elderly volunteers over 13 years. The neurologists are all pleased with their results but are also saying, “If I have to watch another old person walk around, I’m gonna punch a bitch.”

Microsoft has announced upcoming software that allows their new Windows 7 phone to sync with Apple computers. Microsoft is still working out one kink though – when attempting to sync, Macs refuse, then print a page that says, “Get it away. Gross.”

Virgin Galactic, French Rap

Weekly Robot — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 23:19:53 +0000

Virgin is calling its new commercial space-flight division Virgin Galactic. Given we’re all limited to orbital flight, isn’t “galactic” a little grandiose? When asked, a Virgin rep said, “Absolutely not, now if you’ll excuse me, Virgin Jungle is about to unveil a potted plant.”

370 people have put deposits down for their trip on Virgin’s VSS Enterprise, tickets costing 200K each. Civilians will undergo three days of prep including medical checks and g-force acclimation. Also included, training dinners where you practice not mentioning your douche bag space trip.

I heard some French rap yesterday. It still felt like someone was beating me with a lavender blossom. The more hardcore it got, the more I wanted to understand cheese as an art form.